So, I spent quite a while doing a post tonight and then.. "poof" - it disappeared - kinda how my night has been. Well, in a nutshell, this is what I said, I thought I was doing great emotionally..... I thought I was "over" having my moods be dictated or affected by other people and how they treat me or what they think of me. Well, I was wrong... so tonight is sort of crappy.
Today I did lots of things that needed to be done... and that was good. I also saw lots of people I have been wanting to see - and that was great. But I also realized today that I may actually be able to go back to "Normal" (whatever that is) after all. And I don't like that. I don't ever want to be "normal" again. I have been sooooo extremely tired for the past 10 days - I think it's just the emotion of it all - and sometimes, it's easier to just "go back to normal - go with the flow" - well, nope. not accepting it.
Excited that Leah and I get to share part of our trip with our church on Sunday. Not excited that I need to somehow convey all the wonderful lessons God taught me - in 2-3 sentences.... WHAT????? I can't do that in 2-3 pages. Feeling lots of anxiety about that - it's what I have thought about and prayed about since I was in Kenya, "Lord, how do I go back and tell people what I have seen, felt, heard.... in a way that they will hear it and be moved into action???". I know God is faithful.... so, I will go to bed early tonight and I will get up early and I will pray for God to give me HIS words......
My heart is longing for Kenya - for the hard life that is so incredibly simple and so fulfilling.....
big sigh....
Sometimes we don't need to (and can't) say anything that will move people to action. We just testify to what God has done and let Him do the rest. He's the one that moves the mountains, not anything we say. I think it's going to work even better for us to not speak at all on this video, and I think this reason is why. I wondered why it wasn't coming together for that part to work and now I think I know. We aren't supposed to say anything. We'll let God do the talking.
ReplyDeleteIt can be done and God will give you the words. Wish you had more time and could run it through Rob because he is good at cutting pages into sentences and doing it effectively. I will be praying for you with full confidence that God will give you what you need. Are you sharing at all three services?
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