So, today has been a day filled with frustration and irritability. I think as the day approaches to actually get on that plane... leaving my 4 kids and husband behind.... and go to a place that I know is going to rip my heart to pieces.... I am struggling. At times I question the sanity of my decision... but I know that is not from God. God asked me to do this and I am obeying. That's all I know. The minute details of preparing for the trip (shots, packing, communication while away) as well as preparing for my family while I am away (meals, kid care, etc..) are overwhelming me. I am praying continually for God's peace and provision. He has always provided for my every need - I know He won't stop now. I have found myself cleaning out drawers and organizing things. I do believe I will come back.... but what if I don't? I want to be responsible. Russ and I will be doing our will next week because it's the responsible thing to do and it should have been done five years ago!!
I think I just have to get past all the reality stuff and again... it won't be real until my feet are planted firmly on Kenyan ground..... My heart is so restless ..... and also about to burst with anticipation for the things God is going to show and teach me....
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I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid.
ReplyDeleteJohn 14:27
And
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:14-19
;-) you can do this!